I wrote a wonderful scene yesterday, late at night. Got really emotional while writing it, and really enjoyed the feeling. I finished it, polished it a little and went to sleep.
Then the dreams came.
I woke up feeling unsure about something, as if the scene that I wrote somehow twisted itself into being through my dream. I decided to have another look at my scene when I get back from work, to try and figure out what went wrong.
During the second reading of my scene, I nearly choked. I placed my deepest emotions on the digital paper, plain for all to see. The protagonist expressed them, but it was plain that they were mine. Too plain. It was like sharing the whole world with something I was not ready to share with my conscious self. What a slap in the face!
I think I now recognize my biggest personal writing "road-block". I'm putting too much of my personal self into my writing. While investing emotionally in my writing should be a good thing, I should not create protagonists that are reflections of me. If my book ever gets published (and it is possible with all the digital publication methods available today) somewhere, someone will notice the details, connect the dots, and come for further explanations.
I have to find a better way to give the protagonist life of its own. While I am exploring some interesting emotional territories in my book, it was not my intent to make it a quest for self healing, or a way to tell the world about my private thoughts.
I should tell the world about the protagonist's private thoughts. I'm going to twist the story a little bit during my rewriting process today, and give the main character story, words and feelings. This time of its own.